The Library

I went to the library yesterday with my friend. The only library i'd spent a significant amount of time in was either the library at BDC, which is a long time ago frankly, or the library at FAST. Btw, the library I visited yesterday was the Library at LUMS. Comparing the libraries of my university and my current workplace makes me feel horrible, but I'll do it anyway for the greater good. If the LUMS library was a person, the eye-gunk it would have after a long blissfull sleep would be the FAST library.

The incessant need to ridicule the place I've spent five good years of my life is uncanny. Unfortunately, it has got nothing to do with all that happened between that library trip and now. Being there, and seeing all those books, neatly categorised and just ready for the eager dawdlers perusal, was fascinating. I daydreamed about reading all the books in the World War II section; from the five-volume accounts of Churchill to the books by authors unknown to me on the deceptions by both sides in the war. I imagined writing a paper and getting critical acclaim. I came back soon enough, saw the section on philosophy. I even chose my space in the sitting area this time, wondering what people might make of me sitting hours at end rooted on the same spot taking notes from dozens of books and publications.

It made me think about wether i really want to do that research, or is it just an involuntary, constant and pathetic bid for attention and praise? I use the word 'wether' a lot when i write, its strange how I never recall reading it elsewhere. Anyway, ofcourse having written a paper on something never earlier discussed, or even just being that much more informed about something is an achievement in itself. But I don't think i just want the satisfaction of just knowing all that i (would) know; I'd want to be lauded for it all, and that doesn't happen that easily. Is wanting that too needy, or too normal? Surely people don't write books and publications just to impart knowledge, they do want to be known for their work.

I still got myself a book about Stauffenberg; the guy in the Valkyrie movie. I suppose i can try starting off with something I already know and then move on to things slightly more complicated.

I went to the library to browse through the Physics section today. I was always self-assured about the relationship between physics and myself. I planned on buying a journal and get started on learning it all from the start, making notes, revising all the physics i went through in university and maybe a bit more, give my GRE and get an immaculate score, get a scholarship at Oxford, and teach at USC. The whole idea is plausible, and is directly proportional to the amount of confidence one would have in themselves. I'd wanted to end this on a bombshell, but I got nothing.