friendship, loyalty, trust, regard... fuck it, and fuck off!

A friend and I once discussed the purpose of this world and the people in it. Though we don't want to agree (and I say this in the most non American way possible) with it as logical free thinking men, our purpose in this world is to be Gods people. Which is quite the true, nice thing to say, nothing to do with the title.

Although the latter part of the first statement is far more wretched. Our purpose as people is to screw people over. Yes. Not occasionally or anything, but any chance we get! Plot, manipulate, use, snitch, stab, betray. How else would you expect to succeed? You could just say inshAllah and hope for people for sort themselves out, but its someone else's prerogative, not mine at least.

You'd think with all this 'non-manly' talk about love and caring and compassion that gets thrown around these days, someone would've started giving a fuck by now. And while we're on that, I thought men were the bigger hypocrites; setting double standards and all, but my experiences have come to show, surprisingly, that they're not. Women are. Any woman reading this would be quick to pull out the gender card and call me sexist but its true. Irrespective of how things actually happen, women always want equality, respect and all that crap, give them that and the next thing you know you'll be down on the ground with them drumming the life out of your hard little head! There are always exceptions and there definitely are some in this case too, but there can only be so many seats on the exceptions boat.

There aren't many things I give myself credit for, not many at all, but there are some; friendship, loyalty, trust, regard (fuck it and fuck off! but that is a bit off the point for the moment so lets move on). Why? when I truly put a lot of effort into a relationship, take care of a couple of things consciously, should i not expect just those couple of things back? I'm sure I'm entitled by any standards.

I have this friend who lies, and about the most insignificant of things, but I never thought he'd lie to me about anything. He did. I voiced my opinion, asked him to just not do that to me anymore. He did it again, and again, and again. I have this friend who doesn't give a crap about anything. All I've ever asked from her is to treat others like she'd like to be treated, apparently the idea doesn't sink in as easily as i thought it should. This other friend who turned down an invite for a get-together iftari saying he didn't have enough money and then went to at least three others in just the next week. This could either mean that 'I'm too proud to have you pay for me' or 'you're one jackass i definitely don't wanna spend my time with!'. Neither is acceptable.

I'm not trying to portray myself as Mr. Goody Twoshoes and look down on anybody, no! I've not done good to so many different people. I've never been a good friend to anyone who's tried to be one to me, and I don't know why I do it. I want to take names and apologize, but it doesn't really matter anymore. Its a vicious circle.

You're always expected to be a man and let it go. What real man talks about this acute stuff anyway? I've been told by people whom I question that I should change. I think we all know what they imply. They're wrong.

noori (coke studio) - kedaar

aa aaa aaa aa
aa aaa aaa aa

chchin gaya teray dil ka chain ab
(ab) chayi kedaar aur bheegay teray naina

lut gayee teray man ki aas
gum sum udaas ye rog to hai sehna

sapna saja ke, sab se pa ke
duur samandar aag bharke hai

jag se oajhal, mann ke andar
har kinaare dhoondtay phirain

wo heeray moti, hum ko mil jaayen
kuch torr ke aaye, kuch jorr ke aaye

hum aag ke panchchii!

ab de chukay, wo imtehan
dil par sahe jin ke nishan

duur, jal raha makaan
niklaa abhi, ye karavan

dhum cha, dhum cha...(4)

dhal jaaye gi ye ghum ki raat
barsain ge moti, phool bhi khilain ge

chchin gayey jo thay chiragh
hum justujoo main aur bhi ... ge

kal ko jagaane, ye deewaane
roshni (le) kar chalain ge

man ke andar, asmaan ko
har dishaa main dhoondtay phirain wo!

(wo) heeray moti, hum ko mil jaayen
sab chorr ke aaye, sab torr ke aaye

hum aag ke panchchii!!

hum de chukayy, wo imtehan
dil par sahay, jin ke nishaan

duur, jal raha makaan
niklaa abhi, ye karavan!

ruktaa nahin, ye kaaravan!!

dhoom tara dene na, dene na, dene na..(4)

... .... ... jahan
raakh wo, naye makaan

jin ki hai, talaash wo
(dhul) gayay, sab wo nishaan

dheem tana, dene nana, dene na...(10-14)

humare sang chalaay
jaisay jogi banay

humaray sang chalay ab ye...!
hum chorr ke aaye, ab torr ke aaye!

HUM AAG KE PANCHII!!

hum de chukayy, wo imtehan
dil par sahay, jin ke nishaan

duur, jal raha makaan
niklaa abhi, ye karavan!

ruktaa nahin, ye kaaravan!!

hum de chukayy, wo imtehan
dil par sajay, jin ke nishaan

duur, jal raha makaan
niklaa abhi, ye karavan!

ruktaa nahin, ye kaaravan!!

looking for the answer

I've tried and tested the writing after 3 a.m. theory before and i know its not ever the best thing. Yet we do it, and yet I do it... yet again. I feel lost. I've finished college and its evident I'm to do something else now, but what?

Am I to find a job, and become the corporate slave? Am I to maybe start giving back to society in some other way? Teach at a school maybe? Can I afford to sleep some of my days away? Join a new business perhaps? Should I maybe, as the cliche' goes, find myself first?

Its like the standing at the crossroads cliche' but so very different. My road has opened up into an open field; without paths or tracks or markings. Should I wait for God to help? Then again, I don't suppose God helps people who are just aimlessly standing in open fields.