cool?... not so much...

I've always placed a certain amount of value on honesty. I've been proven wrong in my belief quite a couple of times now, but it just feels right. I'm not an extremely honest man, I might add. I've uttered my share of lies and indulged in my share of deceit over the years, but it doesn't mean I can't agree with it principally.

For me, it has never been about just telling the truth, but also being true to myself (I have this weird inclination to write words like oneself instead of myself when i write, but lets face it; this post is about me, not about you, or how the world functions in general). I thought it was alright to not hide parts about me, and not to put up a face to match a certain situation at hand. I thought it was enough to put everything out there in the open. I thought people appreciated it too, but its just like having a Foxy; people appreciate that you have a Foxy, but not many at all would go and attempt to buy one, none at all really. I know the analogy probably isn't as definitive as it could have been, but it makes sense to me.

I've also faintly noticed why its so difficult for me to get into a relationship. Its because I reveal all of myself to the other person. I was talking to someone quite recently, and I realised that almost anythings okay when one is just friends with someone, but one cannot really tolerate most of those things in someone they might actually like (in the other way, obviously).

Its not so cool to put up your true face. Its alright to hide stuff occasionally. its alright not to spill it all out. Its alright. Honesty, its not so cool... not so cool at all!

whaat?? nooouu!! wait....... full of fuckk!!

If the title made no sense to you then i don't blame you. If you work in a certain company which calls itself Areva- which by the way, is not a girl's name- and could not understand the title, then you're a moron! This *points to title* is about the only fun thing i see happening at my office. Its thoroughly amusing to see someone self-fuck their own mind right there in front of you.

This image epitomizes the phenomenon of a mind full of fuck:

I went up to Sajid sb. today and asked him where the hand drawn room layouts for Sarfraz Nagar were. I wanted to say Shahdra, but i said SN by mistake; it was an honest mistake, but the impetus it provided to Sajid sb. was uncanny. First he looked at me like :|. Then he started rummaging through everything he owned, all at once! (What makes the whole thing so interesting was that there were no hand drawn room layouts for SN)... after about ten minutes of rummaging through everything in his 3x3 office space, he put his hands on his head, made the Jackie Chan 'my mind...!' face and started staring into the distance...

I told him soon after that i actually wanted to say Shahdra, but that expression of his was enough to get me through the day today.

Sometimes these days, my mind gets full of fuck too... I think about so many things, about me, my friends, family, country, other countries- not ever in any specific order. Its mostly about me, i question myself, or sometimes I'm just confused about what to do next; its mostly that. I question my lack of ambition, my lack of spirituality, and general lack of direction. It bothers me mostly when i juxtapose my situation, or myself with someone else. I make a conscious effort not to do so, but as soon as I do, I'm like 'noooouuuu!! my mindd...!'