growing up

there's a reason why i never like movies like Wake Up Sid: they're too real for me. most people watch a movie like that and go 'meh...' and i'm like 'wtf! gtfomofo!' because i like to think my life is something unique until some asshole comes along and makes a movie about some of it. is that the height of individuality one can possibly achieve? to be one-upped by a bloody bollywood movie?

do you know i still don't have a clue about what to do in life. i thought i was unique in that thought.. but no, turns out there are millions just as lost as myself, and i'm just one of that million.. this is not where i want to be, and i've got no one to tell me which way is up.. people say its maybe a good thing to let one "discover" things on their own, which is a bag of shit on fire really.. because sometimes, someone does need you to tell them what to do and take some blame for any shit that hits the fan along the way..

i need to grow up, but growing up means having to realise that the afore-written paragraph is crap, and one really does need to make the right decisions and own up to them to grow... as a person...

The name game

I heard the expression 'the name game' used for the first time during the England world-cup selections for the 2002 World Cup. I consider myself something of a tactician, true, that most of my tactics haven't worked out, but still I'm better than most others because I've tried a lot of times. Selecting a workable team for the World Cup seems like an easy enough process doesn't it? But seeing how so many England managers have got it wrong, there really must be some catch to it! Apart from all the bureucratic FA bull, an England manager still has a lot of power and authority, but the system isn't working.
The time has come now for an armchair manager to step up and take the reins! (namely myself). So lets name a properly subjective and biased 30-man England side for once;

Goal Guardians (yes, i coined this just now): David James, Joe Hart, Paul Robinson
Defenders: J. Terry, L. King, G. Johnson, A. Cole, R. Ferdinand, L. Baines, R. Shawcross, P. Jagielka, M. Dawson, Johnson (Birmingham), M. Upson.
Midfielders: F. Lampard, S. Gerrard, J. Cole, S. Parker, A. Johnson, A. Lennon, J. Milner, D. Bentley, G. Barry, P. Scholes, T. Walcott.
Forwards: W. Rooney, P. Crouch, J. Defoe, G. Agbonlahor, B. Zamora. D. Bent.

These are all in order of preference, so, for the 23-man squad, we keep the three keepers, lose the last two defenders, lose the last two midfielders, lose the last two forwards and we still have one extra man. The only area to trim in lose one of the four right midfielders, or accept that Scholes wont be joining us. Even if Scholes doesn't join us, we should take another striker with us. Walcott can be deployed as one, but its really difficult to comprehend what Walcott is about, he was found wanting in the last world cup, and he has been found wanting on most occasions during Arsenal's mediocre season (enough of the team average-age, and long-term plan nonsense, burn Arsenal, BURN!). Milner works his socks off and runs about the field like a headless chicken, but to excellent effect i must say! Aaron Lennon is the best impact winger we could have, and Bentley throws in the most lovely crosses in from the right.
But the real problem with the last paragraph is that I don't see any of our fine right midfielders making their way into even a five-midfield starting outfit. With the likes of Lampard, Gerrard, Parker, A. Johnson and J. Cole, you can't see any of the above mentioned RM's breaking through. The only chance any of them have is if A. Johnson plays like Saeed Ajmal would in Englands friendlies, or if J. Cole asks out Terrys ex.
Another question is wether or not to deploy Rooney as a lone striker. Does Rooney really need someone holding up the ball for him after his spectacular season for United? Its a question I can't answer. The only reason why the Heskey-Rooney love affair works is that only Heskey, of all the potential hold-up strikers, is ready not to be the target man. And its natural, why would Zamora, who's having a fantastic season for Fulham, hold up the ball for Rooney? Crouch could do the job well if he was ever given a starting position, because contrary to popular belief, Crouch really isn't as good with his head as he is with his feet.
This article is giving me a headache! you go Capello!

friendship, loyalty, trust, regard... fuck it, and fuck off!

A friend and I once discussed the purpose of this world and the people in it. Though we don't want to agree (and I say this in the most non American way possible) with it as logical free thinking men, our purpose in this world is to be Gods people. Which is quite the true, nice thing to say, nothing to do with the title.

Although the latter part of the first statement is far more wretched. Our purpose as people is to screw people over. Yes. Not occasionally or anything, but any chance we get! Plot, manipulate, use, snitch, stab, betray. How else would you expect to succeed? You could just say inshAllah and hope for people for sort themselves out, but its someone else's prerogative, not mine at least.

You'd think with all this 'non-manly' talk about love and caring and compassion that gets thrown around these days, someone would've started giving a fuck by now. And while we're on that, I thought men were the bigger hypocrites; setting double standards and all, but my experiences have come to show, surprisingly, that they're not. Women are. Any woman reading this would be quick to pull out the gender card and call me sexist but its true. Irrespective of how things actually happen, women always want equality, respect and all that crap, give them that and the next thing you know you'll be down on the ground with them drumming the life out of your hard little head! There are always exceptions and there definitely are some in this case too, but there can only be so many seats on the exceptions boat.

There aren't many things I give myself credit for, not many at all, but there are some; friendship, loyalty, trust, regard (fuck it and fuck off! but that is a bit off the point for the moment so lets move on). Why? when I truly put a lot of effort into a relationship, take care of a couple of things consciously, should i not expect just those couple of things back? I'm sure I'm entitled by any standards.

I have this friend who lies, and about the most insignificant of things, but I never thought he'd lie to me about anything. He did. I voiced my opinion, asked him to just not do that to me anymore. He did it again, and again, and again. I have this friend who doesn't give a crap about anything. All I've ever asked from her is to treat others like she'd like to be treated, apparently the idea doesn't sink in as easily as i thought it should. This other friend who turned down an invite for a get-together iftari saying he didn't have enough money and then went to at least three others in just the next week. This could either mean that 'I'm too proud to have you pay for me' or 'you're one jackass i definitely don't wanna spend my time with!'. Neither is acceptable.

I'm not trying to portray myself as Mr. Goody Twoshoes and look down on anybody, no! I've not done good to so many different people. I've never been a good friend to anyone who's tried to be one to me, and I don't know why I do it. I want to take names and apologize, but it doesn't really matter anymore. Its a vicious circle.

You're always expected to be a man and let it go. What real man talks about this acute stuff anyway? I've been told by people whom I question that I should change. I think we all know what they imply. They're wrong.